[Obit] Siah Keok Tiang: He who gave and gave

He gave his children life and watched them grow up. Despite having little, he nurtured and spent the last forty years of his life giving them his best.

He strove to ensure his next generation will be better than his. He was a man of little education; a secondary education was all he had.

He was also an imperfect man. He gets easily irritated when his mealtimes are missed, or when he’s being stopped from eating junk food.

Here we have an ordinary Joe. We knew him not, until that fateful accident on 8 September 2021, the accident that took his life eight days later.

He was a blue-collar worker in the hardware and subsequently the courier services industry. He may not have the means to bring his children for annual holidays, but he had a lorry. With this lorry, he brings his children around Singapore to eat the best food that his finances allowed.

He was an extremely frugal man. He eats simply and cheaply so that his children can have the most nutritious food. He spends little on his own clothes so that his children can stand tall and proud amongst their friends.

With the lorry, the highlight each year was the temples excursion during each Lunar New Year – seven temples to be exact.

In fact, little did we know, it was his way of praying for his children and family. A pious man that wants the best for his family. Each year, he asks the heavens for a favour to give him the wherewithal to love his wife and care for his children, and in his absence, protect them from any harm and danger.

It was done silently, in his own unassuming way. In his silence, there was strength and a belief that his children will live a life better than his. In his words, 一代要比一代好 [“The next generation must be better than the last”]. He gave his family assurance.

That was until he fell ill. He was diagnosed with kidney disease. In fact, he was severely ill. He gave his all and fought his personal battles. He knows he has a duty, a responsibility to walk his daughter down the aisle. Against all odds, he returns home.

On 8 September, on his way home from his regular dialysis – the very medical intervention that would keep him going for another ten to fifteen years so that he can continue to care for his grandchildren – an emergency stop sent him toppling to the bus floor where he punctured his lung, fracturing his spine and haemorrhaging his brain.

He was determined to live so that whenever his daughter is tired from a day of work, he can help with the care of his granddaughter while his daughter takes a short rest. He knew he was a dialysis patient, but despite the ache in his hands, he would ensure that his daughter would not tire herself, even it means exerting himself physically.

His daughter was the “apple of his eye”.

爸爸，我从来都没有跟你要求什么礼物。今年我十八岁，我可不可以向要一个礼物吗？[“Dad, I have never asked you for any gift. I am turning 18 this year, can I ask for one?”]

His daughter wanted a driving license, a gift that he “had deemed too expensive [“哇，这么贵”]. That was just merely a prelude as he presented a cheque to his daughter soon after; his love written on a cheque.

The amount on the cheque was sufficient to cover her driving lessons. He may not have the monies to buy her a car, but she gave her the wheels for a better future. To this day, this was the biggest present that she has received – “I guess the most memorable present is my driving license”.

To us, he gave his daughter a cheque. To his daughter, he gave her hope and a future to look forward to.

Of course, she passed her driving tests. A loving father that he was, he reminded his daughter and allayed her fears of driving on the roads, “不用怕，一条路直直去就好，不要一直换lanes, 要记得要让人。让来让去就好。不要硬硬来。” [“Do not be afraid. Drive straight, and refrain from changing your lanes repeatedly. Remember to give way, do not force your way through”.]

On that fateful day in September, in an ironic twist that he did not see coming, he became the victim of irresponsible driving.

To be a father is a lifelong vocation. To us, he was Mr Siah Keok Tiang. He was an ordinary Joe. He had little, in fact, nothing much that many in our materialistic and pragmatic world would deem of value. But he had one life, and he gave it his all for his wife and three children. To his daughter and his family, he was Papa Superman.

He was determined to see his grandchildren grow up, but alas, that was possibly the one thing left unfulfilled.

He who gave and gave. He who did not expect anything in return. When he was always asked what they can do for him, he said; ”不用啦“ [“no need la”]. That was his mantra.

Three simple words that speak volumes of the man and the love he has for his family.

He did it all on his own, without an iota of wanting to trouble his loved ones.

Thank you, Mr Siah Keok Tiang, for showing us what true love is.

A heart of sacrifice, a life lived with his children at heart. He kept them close, until his last breath.

What remains today is plenty of happy memories and the many family photos taken together as a family, and his love will remain etched forever in their hearts.

To the father who gave and gave: Thank you!

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Death Kopitiam would like to thank Ms Siah Hwan Ling for entrusting us with her father’s story. We hope that through our words, she can send these words of gratitude her late father’s way, to the heavens where he continues to look down on them with longing and love. We hope that this post can help Ms Siah and her family grieve the loss and celebrate the life of their beloved father, husband and grandfather.