[Obit] Mdm Ng Siang Yang: A pillar of sacrifice, selflessness and resilience (17 January 1959 – 24 November 2021)
Remembering Mdm Ng Siang Yang (17 January 1959 - 24 November 2021)
Mdm Ng proudly displaying her beads and crafts
In the last fourteen years of her life, Mdm Ng Siang Yang’s physical sustenance was via a tube placed in her gastrointestinal tract.
She wanted to live. She had a zeal for life. More importantly, she reminded herself that she needed to live. Her family needed her; she was perpetually worried about her husband, three children and her grandchildren.
When she was first diagnosed with nasopharyngeal carcinoma cancer in 1995 when her three children were 6, 10 and 12 respectively, she teared up in front of them.
“I don’t want to die because my kids are still young, my youngest son is only 6 years old, I want to see them grow up [and finish their university education]” – this was her rallying cry. And rallied she did until she passed on in her sleep on 24 November 2021.
Born on 17 January 1959 into a traditional and conservative family, at the tender age of 16, she began to work to make ends meet at her family’s bakery with her six brothers and sisters. She soon found herself working for Panasonic Singapore before she married in 1982 at the age of 23.
Thereafter, she devoted every moment of her waking hours to her family and her three children. It was not because she subordinated and prescribed a traditional gender role to herself, but rather, she had a responsibility to her family, but most importantly, she wanted her three children to have a loving childhood and grow up in an environment better than hers.
It was her life mission, a personal calling that she took utter and complete ownership of. No one could take that away from her.
Her family was her everything. She lives for her family. She sought harmony amongst her three children. Family unity was her sole emphasis. Though family gatherings every Sunday and each subsequent lunar new year after her departure would no longer be the same for the Tan family, she knew that she had nurtured a loving and united family that would stand by one another in good times and bad.
Her children were her everything. Having a child is like having your heart perpetually walking outside of your mortal being. She cared, pinned, protected, defended, agitated and pleaded for them, sometimes to their annoyance and frustration – that was instinctual, that was in her DNA.
She loved her children and grandchildren unreservedly with her all might and social and financial resources. Even whilst she was close to her mortal end, she did not forget to purchase books for her grandchildren, which were scheduled for deliveries on the day she passed on.
Mdm Ng was also a selfless giver. Despite being on a daily liquid diet, she took up an interest in beading works and taught herself how to make jellies and kueh. She was sufficiently competent in her beading abilities and became a teacher at the nearby community centre and she volunteered to conduct large-scale workshops at community carnivals.
Despite that her ability to speak was affected by her medical condition, it did not affect her ability to teach as she selflessly produce self-written notes on the various beading steps to best enable her to guide her students better.
When her students needed her advice, she gave it to them unconditionally and at no cost to them.
Prior to her death, she was preparing for an online charity sale of her beads and crafts that will be donated to her Buddhist temple of choice – she found solace in Buddhism after her cancer diagnosis in 1995.
Mdm Ng's beads and crafts displayed at her wake
She left no last words for her children. Her silent frame and her occasional lack of self-esteem were the unfortunate product of her medical diagnosis. But her life was not a life of words. She taught her children that what one does is far more important and illustrated intentions and feelings more clearly than what may have been said.
Her unflappable spirit in the face of adversity and the humane side of her lives on through her children and the people who had the privilege to have crossed paths with her.
Mdm Ng was courageous, inspirational and deserved our respect. She had fought her personal battles, her dogged determination nurtured three children who are now pillars of strengths. That is, in fact, no easy feat.
If there was anything left unfulfilled, it could very well be that Mdm Ng had unwittingly missed her yearly tang yuan making session with her grandchildren.
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Mdm Ng’s youngest son, Kenneth, had shared with Death Kopitiam many stories of his beloved mother, and it was our privilege to share in his beautiful and loving memories. Kenneth told us that his biggest regret was not saying “I love you” as often as he should have and not showering her with the appreciation that she rightfully deserves for all she had done for the family.
Mdm Ng and her youngest son, Kenneth, 2016
As he puts it, “I took her for granted. I did not hug her enough, I did not express my love to her sufficiently enough. These are now things that I really regret. Today, I cannot turn back time but what I can do is to do whatever that can bring honour to her memories whilst bringing her kind spirit with me. All will know and see that she had raised a fine child.”
To her mother who is now looking down over her children, Kenneth likes to assure her that the family is in good hands. “Dad, Ah Gong and Ah Ma will be well taken care of. Mummy, you can now stop worrying about us. You are well-loved. Thank you, Mum.”
Mdm Ng and her beloved family, Chinese New Year 2020
The Tan Family's family portrait at the wake of Mdm Ng Siang Yang, 27 November 2021
